20 Ways to Create Greater Marital Connection
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20 ways to create greater Marital Connection
By Dwight Bain, Nationally Certified Counselor & Certified Life Coach
TENDER CONNECTION through ROMANCE
(These are the softer sides of relationship which can feel fun, exciting or fulfilling)
Physiclal- connecting physically
Emotional- connecting through feelings, moods, attitudes or being on the same wave-length
Intellectual- connecting through the world of current events in news, blogs, magazines or books
Educational- connecting through shared learning experiences in classes, seminars or workshops
Aesthetic- connecting through experiences of beauty in fine art, craftsmanship, antiques or nature
Creative- connecting while sharing ideas about designing or developing projects together
Recreational- connecting through shared sports, hobbies, exercise, travel or theme parks
Social- connecting through parties or events at work, church or with friends & family
Entertainment- connecting through music, TV, films, concerts, dining or shopping
Humor- connecting through shared laughter, giggles, comedy or silliness in any situation
TOUGH CONNECTION through REALITY
(these are the harder sides of a relationship which may feel boring, difficult or challenging)
Work- connecting through common tasks, daily chores & responsibilities at home or in career
Time- connecting together with scheduling, planning, clocks, calendars or daily routines
Financial- connecting through shared values on budgeting, spending, saving or investing goals
Caregiving or Co-parenting- connecting through shared responsibility to care for others (or pets)
Conflict- connecting through differences in strongly held beliefs with mutual respect or admiration
Crisis- connecting through problems, pressures or painful events, especially in reaching out to others
Commitment-connecting through the shared belief of honoring marital vows as sacred promises
Spiritual- connecting through shared religious traditions, beliefs, ethics, values & worship styles
Communication- connecting verbally or nonverbally to share the ‘real you’ or listening to your partner
Trust- connecting through shared feelings of respect, honesty, integrity or confidence in your mate
Notice the differences between these 2 types of Marital Connection:
Tender Connection is about Romance & Chemistry
Media images tend to define the ultimate degree of love as feeling happy with that person you are spending time with right now instead of investing into a partner for life
If you only have a tender connection in your relationship, it leaves a potential gap open for a married person to essentially function as a ‘single person’ with the mindset of serving self over their spouse, resulting in a person feeling very, very alone.
View this as the “Me-My-I” mindset of the self-absorbed or pleasure seekers that avoid taking responsibility for their behavior or blame shift problems away from their selfish decisions to find a reason to show that it’s really your fault that they are the way they are or do the things they do.
Tough Connection is about Reality & Consequences
Biblical images of defining the ultimate degree of love as choosing to reach out to build a long term relationship as married “Partners” during the fun or frustrating times of life
If you have included the reality of a tough connection in your relationship, it closes the gap of being a self-serving or single person in the marriage, since the mindset and goal is of building marital unity.
View this as the “We-Us-Our” mindset of building a relationship together with each person taking ownership and responsibility for their part of the marriage as they serve and give to one another in love.
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